Connections
You don’t need to do it alone. It’s hard I know! So, I would definitely recommend if you have no close family or friends to reach out to try other places. There are remarkable organisations like OPFS which go above and beyond to support you every step of the way.
Keep in touch with people who are important to you.
Spend time with close friends. Find a way to fit them around your kids.
As humans, we rely on one another. It’s built into us:
- We need other people in our lives
- It’s stressful for us if we feel alone
- Connecting with others is important for our wellbeing: it makes us feel better
When we don’t have much time or energy, or aren’t feeling great about ourselves, it can be hard to take the first step, and to reach out to others.
There are some tips below which others have found useful for developing social circles, whether near where they live or online.
It’s important that we connect with people we trust and feel comfortable with. This could be:
- Friends and family
- Social groups online and offline
- Support organisations
The Mental Health Foundation has advice on friendship and mental health and talking to your friends about problems.
There are many organisations in Scotland which offer befriending services to people who are lonely and need a bit of support. Befriending Networks has an online directory so you can find out what’s in your area.
Some tips
- Practise keeping in touch with others by, for example, phoning or messaging a friend
- Go to a library or a café so you can be somewhere (with your children too) where other people are around. Play parks can be good too. These are places where you can exchange a few words with someone without getting too involved
- It takes trust to make and keep friendships. If it’s hard for you to trust other people, it could help to start by going to an activity group like a walking group or a craft group. This could also be a group for other single parents. You can then meet people who you’ve got something in common with
- If there’s someone in your life who often lets you down, it might be time to let go of them. Sometimes we hold on to friends and other relationships that don’t feel good, especially if we feel lonely. It not good for your self-esteem and may stop other people coming into your life
- Remember that most people have hard times at some point. If you reach out to someone else, it can allow them to open up too
- Go easy on yourself. Try to remember what’s good about you and what you can offer in a friendship. Have a look at ‘being kind to yourself’
- Many of us worry about being rejected. If you ask for something and someone says no, it doesn’t mean it’s about you or anything you’ve done. Everyone has the right to say no. They might say yes the next time you ask
- If this feels like too much, or you don’t know where or how to start, you could ask for help with this. There are many organisations offering activities, groups, and face-to-face, phone or online support, advice and counselling. All of these can help you to feel less alone. Visit the links below to find out more.
Finding support and social groups
I really enjoy coming to the group … I have been finding it helps me to have something weekly to do as I can be a bit isolated sometimes when I am not feeling good…so it is good to meet other mums and share our experiences. I have found the group to be a good source of support… I enjoy the weekly topics and look forward to coming each week.
The group is a very important part of my life. Guiding, reassuring me and reminding me that focusing on myself is acceptable and an important requirement in life for my wellbeing and my kids and all our loved ones.
The craft group is good for me as it gets me out and meeting new people.Do things in mum/baby environment to meet other people you can share your stress with.
If you feel nervous about going to a group, ask a friend to go with you. It might be hard at first. But you will soon realise you’re not alone in whatever is stressing you out, and it will really help.
There are many organisations offering activities, groups, and face-to-face, phone or online support, advice and counselling. All of these can help you to feel less alone. Visit the links below to find out more.
Useful links
For everyone
- OPFS runs local support and activity groups and face-to-face services for lone parents. These include activity groups such as gardening, walking and crafts and help with all sorts of issues including self-esteem and loneliness.
- Parenting across Scotland has information for parents and carers, including networks for single parents.
- You can also find support from helplines and online chat services like Breathing Space and Samaritans.
For mental health and wellbeing
- On Meetup.com you can choose from different categories, including health and wellness, and find groups near you and details of upcoming events.
- National mental health organisations which run local services include SAMH, Support in Mind, and Penumbra.
- The Mental Health Foundation runs a few programmes in Scotland aimed at people, including carers, refugees, young people and adults who experienced abuse in care.
- Vox Scotland links to local mental health groups around Scotland which have a social side as well as campaigning for change by involving people who are affected by mental health issues.
For men
- Organisations with groups and support specifically for men include Mind the Men, Menself, and the Scottish Men’s Sheds Association.
For BME People
- Organisations for black and minority ethnic women which offer social groups and support include Amina Muslim Women’s Resource Centre, Dundee International Women’s Centre, Saheliya, and Sikh Sanjog.
- MECOPP is an organisation for black and minority ethnic carers in Scotland. Its website links to other organisations which support people from ethnic minority communities.
- BBC The Social has produced a short video on opening up about mental health issues for those from an ethnic minority community.
For LGBT people
- Organisations for lesbian, gay, bi and trans (LGBT) people which offer support include LGBT Health and Wellbeing and LGBT Youth Scotland (for people aged 13 to 25).
- There are lots of LGBT-specific events and groups you can get involved in. The LGBT health and wellbeing website allows you to sign up to receive up to five different newsletters about activities, resources and information which might be helpful if you want to feel more connected.
For disabled people
- There are also social groups for people with disabilities of different ages, listed on the Disability Scotland website.
Online
- Lots of these support and social groups have ways to connect with people online too. Try following their social media accounts to keep yourself in the loop, and get in touch with them to find out more about how you can get involved if you aren’t able to go out to face-to-face groups.
- If you’re into gaming, this could be a good way of making friends and being sociable online by playing with others. There are also tools designed to let you talk to other gamers. Discord is a free voice, video and text chat app for gamers, but it’s used to connect people around other interests and to socialise.
- Visit more links in the section below.
Finding community online
The WhatsApp group we have set up enables us to support each other throughout the week. One of us will mention an issue we are having and others will immediately offer support and advice.
Many single parents find it difficult to make the time, or find the energy or confidence, to go out to meet people, make new friends or get support face-to-face.
This is when the internet can be a big help. There are lots of places online to talk to other like-minded people who are dealing with similar issues and feelings. With access to the internet, we are never alone.
Some of the parents we work with find mumsnet useful because it’s run by parents for parents.
You’ll have heard of online dating apps. But do you know there are also apps to help you make new friends? There are different options. A couple of the most popular are Bumble’s Bumble BFF feature for people looking to make friends, and Hey Vina which is for women only.
Just keep in mind that there can be a downside to social media and meeting others online. It’s important to manage how you use social media and online connections so they don’t become an added stress or put you at any risk. This Mental Health Foundation in Scotland report on healthy social media use focuses on young people, but the tips (near the bottom of the page) are useful for anyone. There’s good information about staying safe online on the BBC website. It’s aimed at young people but useful for anyone.
Some tips and useful sites
- Mental health-specific online communities include SideBySide (an online support community created by mental health charity Mind), Big White Wall, SANE support forums, and Bipolar UK’s ecommunity.
- Lots of these support and social groups have ways to connect with people online too. Try following their social media accounts to keep yourself in the loop, and get in touch with them to find out more about how you can get involved if you aren’t able to go out to face-to-face groups.
- There are online forums and blogs on just about any topic. So, if you search for what interests you, you are bound to find somewhere to connect with people around the globe who share the same interests or hobbies.
- If you’re into gaming, this could be a good way of making friends and being sociable online by playing with others. There are also tools designed to let you talk to other gamers.
- Discord is a free voice, video and text chat app for gamers, but it’s used to connect people around other interests and to socialise.
- Using social media sites like Instagram, Facebook and Twitter can help you to keep in touch with friends or make new ones. Follow topics that interest you, and feel involved in the world even when you don’t get out much.