Support for you during the holidays
The festive season can be a really tricky time for single parents. Whether this is your first Christmas as a single parent or not, you deserve support.
Even though it might seem like it, there is no official “how to do Christmas” and everyone has their own traditions. Thinking about this, maybe this year you can create some traditions of your own.
There are some things you can do at Christmas to keep in the spirit without breaking the bank. Have a look at our single parent guide to winter and Christmas.
There are some useful links below for coping with bereavement and separation, as well as more general emotional support during the festive period. We also have some tips for those who are living with or caring for someone with a disability around Christmas.
Emotional support
Some parents have told us that they feel lonely and miss their children during the time that they’re with other family. Sometimes this can mean that they’re not able to relax and enjoy time to themselves.
This is understandable, especially if this is the first Christmas you’ve been separated.
- You might want to enjoy the time at home watching a film, relaxing in the bath, or meeting up with friends to distract yourself
- You might want to get dressed up for Christmas, or you might prefer to have a relaxed pyjama day
- You might want to find new people to talk to or spend time with, restart an old hobby, or learn something new. There are websites such as meetup.com where you can search for groups in your area with similar interests
- You can also chat online with other parents on our Forum, or use chat rooms such as Netmums or Mumsnet
- If you can’t be with the people you would like to be with this Christmas you might want to have a chat, drink, quiz or some fun with them via video chat
- We have some tips here for dealing with anxiety and stress
- Here are some tips for coping with generally low mood, anxiety and stress
- We have some tips on connecting with others, which you can use during the holiday season
- Here are some tips for improving your self-esteem and confidence, which can be useful if you’re feeling down around the Christmas period or if you know you’re going to be celebrating by yourself this year
Different people find different things work best for them and their family – there is no one size fits all solution and you’re the expert of yourself. Most importantly, try to relax and enjoy your time.
Disability at Christmas
If you have, or are caring for someone with a disability, Christmas and winter can be an especially tricky time of year. Here are some resources to help you financially and mentally.
- Information about caring for a child with complex needs
- Information about Child Disability Payment and Child Winter Heating Payment
- Information on the financial help available if you are not able to work
- Information about the Carer Support Payment, which has replaced Carer’s Allowance in Scotland
- Some health and wellbeing tips
- Tips on feeling less lonely and connecting with others
- Some tips for understanding mental health issues, from Scottish Action for Mental Health
- Some support for dealing with mental health over Christmas, including information about which helplines are open over the holidays
- The National Autistic Society has a useful page about preparing for Christmas for autistic people and their families
- Ambitious About Autism is a charity which has lots of useful information for parents who have an autistic child
- Scottish Autism provides support to people in Scotland who live with autism
- There is more general information about autism on the NHS website
- There is more general information about ADHD on the NHS website
- Some extra resources about ADHD from the NHS
- A parent’s story about preparing for Christmas with a deaf child, from the National Deaf Children’s Society
- Deaf-friendly Christmas gift ideas, from the National Deaf Children’s Society
- Guidance on if it is your first Christmas caring for a deaf child, from the National Deaf Children’s Society
- Some general information about Deafblindness, from Deafblind Scotland
Bereavement at Christmas
Coping with bereavement at Christmas can be extremely difficult, especially as a single parent with so many things to juggle.
Whether this is your first Christmas without a loved one or not, you might find that you have more intense emotions around this time of year. That’s okay. Remember that grief comes in many different forms and is different for everyone.
It can be really difficult to open up, but it’s important to talk to someone you trust about how you feel, as it can help to take the weight off of your shoulders.
Here are some resources you might find useful.
- Sue Ryder has an information page full of coping strategies if you are struggling with grief or bereavement at Christmas
- YoungMinds is a charity for young people. Their website is full of resources to help young people and their parents through difficult times
- Grief Encounter has a page containing resources for coping with grief
- Scottish Families Affected by Alcohol and Drugs has a page about getting through Christmas when you are grieving someone
- Beatson Cancer Charity is a Scottish charity for those affected by Cancer and their loved ones. Here is a useful page about grief and bereavement at Christmas
- Help and advice from Child Bereavement UK for if you are under 18 and your mum or dad has passed away
- Help and advice from Child Bereavement UK for if you are aged 18 to 25 and your mum or dad has passed away
- If you need to talk to someone but don’t know where to go, you can call us on our Helpline on 0808 801 0323. We are here to listen to you without judgement, stigma or bias.
- If you would rather not talk on the phone, you can use our online webchat by clicking here or you can drop us an email at advice@opfs.org.uk.
- We also have a single parent forum here, where like-minded parents post queries and others post answers to these. Our advisors monitor the chat and can answer questions too. This can be a really good way to feel like part of a community with other single parents. It can also be useful to get advice and information from people in a similar situation to you.
It can be really hard to talk about grief during the festive period. You might feel like you’re ruining the Christmas spirit – but this isn’t the case.
Just take a moment to imagine how you would react if one of your friends or loved ones came to you to tell you about their grief.
Most likely, you would make time to listen to them and offer them kindness and love. Now apply that logic to yourself, and to how others might care for you. Try and see yourself through the eyes of someone who cares for you in these moments of self-doubt.
Remember to be kind to yourself. If you feel like you can’t celebrate Christmas the same way as you used to, that’s okay. Whether you need to remove yourself from it all or just part of it, either way it’s okay.
Trying to do one or two small things for yourself around the festive period is enough. Whether it’s taking a walk or a bath, having a friend visit or phone you, or simply getting dressed.
Separation at Christmas
Separation from a partner is tough at any time of year, and Christmas is no exception.
If you have recently separated from a partner and are about to have your first Christmas as a single parent, you are not alone. Below are some links to help you with separating
- Our guide to separation
- Some one-to-one support options when separating in Scotland
- Options on making plans for your children when you are separating
- A list of services who can help you through the process of separating in Scotland
- Citizen’s Advice Scotland has a page here about how to get a divorce in Scotland
- Our My Life and Me page about separating and your emotions during this time
Regardless of the time of year, the most important thing when separating from a partner is that you and your children are safe. Below are some resources for keeping yourself and your children safe through your separation from your partner.
- A page containing support for if your ex-partner is abusive
- Citizen’s Advice Scotland has a useful page to help you find out if you are in an abusive relationship, and what to do if you are. This page has a feature that lets you exit it quickly if you need to
- The Scottish Government website has a resource page for female victims of domestic abuse. This page has a feature that lets you exit it quickly if you need to
If you are unsure about the benefits you might be entitled to now that you are separated, you can call our helpline. We can run a free check for you and talk you through your options going forward. Free phone 0808 801 0323 to get in touch with an advisor.